Rural poverty

Tanjong Lobang beach

My sister Rose, during her teaching practice and supervisions of trainee teachers in later years, travelled the length and breadth of Sarawak. She came across a great deal of real poverty, especially in the ulu areas. All her stories confirmed my inner most fears and have made me very hard and unforgiving in my dealings with people for a long time, especially strangers. I was convinced that soft people go hungry and perish in this world! So, I had better be tough! Although I am really a softie at heart, I did not intend to perish! I have never allowed anyone to come close enough to see the real me. All the while I had to have a wall built around me for protection and putting up a tough front for the whole world to see. For a long time, I was convinced that I needed that wall for my survival.

I am also a racist, a pessimist and a bigot. My strongest weakness is being constantly too judgemental and negative in my thinking. For some strange reasons, I am unable to look on the brighter side of things and have become more cynical with age. It is also a constant battle for me to stop talking and start  listening to people.  My sister Rose also has this same weakness. The Chin family trait, so to speak! Only now as I grow older and mellow with age, that I slowly realized that no man is an island really. I have lately become much more tolerant and friendly in my dealings with people, friends or otherwise.

I am starting to listen to people. I found that some times they do have something worthwhile to contribute to the conversation. Hey! I don’t know everything, after all! Give it time; I am sure I can become a good listener! I am also afraid to make new friends, perhaps for fear of losing them too, like my parents. Otherwise, I am perfect! Ha-ha!